Lucky duck 

I really do know how lucky I am right now. As much as I f€£%*ing hate that word, sometimes there are no replacements.

I wasn’t aware before arriving here how much of a dream come true this whole experience is for me. Not only to be doing this with my happy and healthy kids, blowing their little minds with all kinds of amazing sights and smells and tastes here, but to also be doing this with my best friend, together fuelled and energized in a similar way.
I really do feel so grateful every day. Maybe, sadly, because like many people, I know what it also feels like to be completely out of control of your life; to have life-threatening, and ultimately life-ending circumstances dictating your every move. Treatments and recovery and appointments and tests and results all ruling your moments. The idea of a taking in a NYC-weekend, left to a combination of fate and mom-blogs to plan, completely unavailable.
I try to be keenly aware of how my good fortune may make others feel.  I know the idea of fortune is for me to evaluate ultimately and to some I most likely appear to be pretty average- that’s fine. For me I feel  right now like Ive cashed in my winning lottery ticket, and I am doing my best to enjoy every (experience) cent as fully and happily and thankfully as possible.
And I worry that because these ultimately are my experiences to feel, I am not yet sure how to share my good fortune. Talking about it in the wrong way, at the wrong time, and with the wrong tone might make me seem like a boasting, self-absorbed jerk. Even though that’s really my way of showing how grateful I am to have these experiences to share.
I know that my intentions are always good. , but it’s a challenge to be excited, while also being aware and sensitive to what others are going through.
And yet Mondays still do manage to shake the sparkle and jazz and enthusiasm in a consistently icky way, regardless of location…;)

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