It’s been two years today since my Mom passed away.
How am I feeling?
I miss her.
And I’m still so sad.
I’m saddened by the fact that my babies ( and my beautiful nieces and nephew) don’t get to experience the wonderful woman that she was.
I’m saddened by the fact that my Dad, vibrant and energetic and excited by life, no longer has his best friend to experience so many more adventures with.
I’m saddened that I can’t share with my Mom how alive I’ve felt again with this adventure Brett and I are on with our kids.
I’ve been a hardened robot ( makes no sense really, but those are the weird words I’ve channeled today) all day. It’s been a busy and intense work day, and there are some more parenting responsibilities that I need to stay all robotic for still today… And then I might just let the sadness come, let it be what it is for a bit…. And then spend some time again thinking about all of the ways that I can keep my Mom alive, in me, in my brother and sister, in my dad, in my aunt and uncle and cousins, in my kids… And maybe even in people who weren’t lucky enough to have even known her.
Her kindness, her warmth, her generosity, her sincerity, her ideas, her strength, her protectiveness, her spunk, her bravery…
A wise wise friend ( hi!) sent her well wishes today, and I’m nearly ready to follow her advice… ‘Hope you’re able to focus on all the awesome years…’
Writing this on the train ride home, I’m hastily wiping away the tears that are starting to sneak their way out. Looks like I’ll now be doing amazing make-up touches on the E train before parent-teacher interviews.
Wine and memories tonight will be special.
Mom- just please give me a sign if I’m about to find out at the school that my kids are going to get expelled, ok?